悉達多的流浪故事30 Episode XXX

悉達多的流浪故事30

悉達多明顯感受到，自己跟以前不太一樣，一股不能被輕易撼動的力量，在他心裡產生，愈來愈清楚指導者教給他的學問，是一種可以被實踐出來的力量，不是只能供奉膜拜的經典。

過去生命裡的自我纏縛，人與人之間相互的影響，大部分時間都是矇懂的，很多時候對自己也常常束手無策。

 

以前你生病的時候，我好害怕，悉達多跟自己【身體】說著 : 害怕你從此沒辦法好了 ! 你讀書的時候，我也怕，怕你書讀的不好，後來，你去賺錢，我一聽說別人賺錢的數目，更是對你絕望，覺得你完了，自從大腦意識到你的存在，我除了短暫的快樂，其餘時間都在憂慮著你，還帶著你到處流浪，一心想著怎樣才能解決我們的麻煩，讓【大腦，身體】都得到一種安定。

一種無處不在的自我生存憂慮，在身體、心裡，到處充斥。

總算，費了那麼大的力氣，把自己搞定，滄桑喔 ! 沒想到搞定自己，「這件小事」，竟然很滄桑。

半寄

Episode XXX

Siddhartha clearly felt that there was something different about himself. A force that could not be easily shaken had emerged in his heart. It became increasingly clear that the knowledge taught to him by his root teacher was something that had to be practiced, rather than worshiped like an idol.

In the past, he had little understanding of the self-entanglement and complex interpersonal dynamics that so often left him so very confused and at a loss as to how to proceed.

“In the past, whenever you got sick,” Siddhartha said to his body, “I worried that you would never recover. And when you were studying, I worried that that if you didn’t do well and get good grades, then later on you wouldn’t be able make as much money as others make, so I started to feel that you were beyond hope. Ever since I became aware of your existence, apart from a few moments of happiness, I have been constantly worrying about you. And as I took you along on my wanderings, I continually thought about how it might be possible to make an end of my troubles and bring peace to body and mind.

After making every endeavor and experiencing all the vicissitudes of life, I’ve finally figured out who I really am. It is hard to imagine such a small matter would be so painful and exhausting.

Master Ban Ji

Translated by Ken Kraynak