看清前因後果不容易，卻可以讓自己往正確的道路前進。
Strength
(Feedback from Teacher Hong Yaling, NanZen Chaozhou Study Club)
At our March study club, a fellow practitioner asked:
Why was it that, in the time of the Samyukta Āgama, practitioners could attain enlightenment simply by hearing that all phenomena arise from causes and conditions, and cease due to causes and conditions?
Why is it that we also hear this teaching, understand it, and even believe it—yet still cannot attain realization?
Master Banji replied: To attain a stage of realization, one must have strength. Understanding alone is not enough. Realization requires struggling with oneself.
Without that inner struggle, without strength, one cannot attain it.
After hearing this, I kept wondering:
What exactly is the “strength” in spiritual practice?
How should it be defined?
How is it developed?
These questions lingered in my mind like a fog.
I thought that true practice must be refined in everyday life.
So I reflected on my own experiences to see whether they could apply to practice.
In the first three months of this year, I went through something very painful—my daughter’s rejection of me.
From our family trip to Busan at the beginning of the year,
to a 10-day trip to Japan with 11 family members,
to returning to Taoyuan for the Lunar New Year—
in everything I said and did, my daughter disagreed with me.
She seemed to think I was foolish and incompetent. She barely spoke to me, only looking at me with sharp, helpless eyes.
She was kind and gentle to everyone else—just not to me.
Whenever I approached her, she would avoid me. Eventually, I didn’t even dare to look at her face.
Every time we were together, it felt like my heart was being cut by a knife.
Yet in front of relatives, I had to smile and pretend everything was fine.
Before, when she came home, I would invite her to walk the dog with me, and she would share things about her life.
But later, I didn’t even dare to ask.
On New Year’s Eve, I lay under the covers, quietly crying. She was sleeping right beside me, but emotionally, we felt worlds apart.
After the New Year, I almost gave up trying to connect with her.
I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong. I thought maybe I was just a failure as a mother.
But self-pity didn’t help. One day, I talked to my husband, Wenzong.
He said I tend to act too hastily and sometimes don’t think things through.
(He and our daughter get along very well—they think alike and are both quick-minded.)
For example, during our self-driving trip in Japan, he was driving. I was supposed to sit in the front passenger seat, but my daughter said dismissively,“Are you sure you can do that?”
She knew I get nervous and have a poor sense of direction.
She, on the other hand, could understand the navigation at a glance.
In the end, she sat in the front seat, and the two of them worked together smoothly the entire trip.
Besides being too hasty and not thinking clearly, I gradually reflected on other issues I have.
I realized I have many patterns, such as: jumping to conclusions, taking on too much responsibility, feeling insecure, getting nervous easily, being too eager to solve others’ problems (without giving them space), wanting everyone to be well, assuming I know what is best for others while overlooking their feelings, perfectionism,wanting everything to be “just right,” and sacrificing myself to please others.
I also realized that these patterns came from my upbringing.
It felt as if my body—my muscles and blood—carried these memories. Even though time had passed, they still stubbornly stayed with me.
When I became aware of all this, I suddenly understood why my daughter didn’t like me. She probably found me anxious, overwhelming, foolish, and stressful to be around.
So I began to slowly change myself.
When certain thoughts arose, I started to observe them and tell myself not to act on them.
It’s difficult to reverse these patterns, but it’s worth trying.
These thoughts represent me—I am made up of them.
If I can observe and break through them,
does that mean I have some strength to move closer to the idea of “non-self”?
For me, the concept of “non-self” is gradually realized through repeated self-awareness and self-challenge.
Psychology may explain why I have these patterns, but it cannot lead to the level of “non-self.” That, to me, is where the power of the Buddha’s teachings truly lies.
In April, for my daughter’s birthday, my husband and I went north to have a meal with her. I was actually quite afraid to face her.
But unexpectedly, she was gentle this time. She didn’t criticize me or give me sharp looks.
Perhaps when I started to recognize my own issues and change, she could feel it—and she began to change as well.
At that moment, I wondered:
If all things arise and cease due to causes and conditions,
then when the causes and conditions change, wouldn’t the results also change?
(Written by Hong Yaling)
Banji: “Yaling must have gone through a complete transformation!”
Yaling: “No, no, not really! Haha. When the pain reaches its limit, you just have to find a way through.”
It’s not easy to clearly see causes and results,
but once you do, it can guide you onto the right path.
