第二次改變 Second Change

The second change was a lot more visible to detect than the first.

第二次改變比第一次更容易窺探。

One day, we were driving somewhere, and during our conversation, my wife said to me, with a very subtle undertone of anger, "You are a pig head."

某天，我在開車時，我跟太太有些小爭執。我太太對我說，「你是個豬頭。」 當時這句話包含了一個非常微妙的憤怒。

Now, as all husbands know, this is a delicate moment.

應該全天下的先生們都知道，這是一個危機。

If I respond with any slight hint of annoyance or anger, a new fight might erupt.

如果我的回應有任何煩惱或憤怒的暗示，我們可能就會馬上吵架。

If I respond with silence, we might avoid a confrontation at the moment, but it might still be inevitable later on.

如果我以沉默回應，我們或許避開在那當下吵架，但這個問題之後也可能再發生。

If I respond with calmness, she may or may not be able to accept it given her current state of mind.

如果我很冷靜的應對，我太太她不一定能夠接受。 因為她那時的心理狀態不一定是很理性的。

So, in a blink of an eye, without given it any thought or miss any beat, I bleated out:

所以，在轉瞬間，我想都不想就回她說：

"Oink. Oink." (這是豬叫的聲音。)

Totally not expecting this sort of response, my wife burst into laughter. Me too.

完全沒想到我會有這樣的反應，我的太太放聲大笑，而我也是。

And we were able to discuss and resolve the issue at hand in a fun and funny manner.

笑完之後，我們兩個開心的討論著這個問題。

The reason that I am providing these personal experience here is not to teach you specific behaviors or methods that you can do when you have an argument with your wife. These reactions came out of me naturally, and I believe is the result of many months of the efforts spent on self-reflection. These reactions worked for us, but may not necessary work for you. (Heck, Your wife may think you are making fun of her when you make sounds of a pig. If that happens, don't blame me. You made the noise, I didn't.)

在這裡跟大家分享這些經驗，不是要教各位用具體的方法去應付夫妻的爭吵。 這些反應都是自然出現，不是用大腦想出來的。 是許多個月自我反省的結果。 對我跟我太太有用，不一定對您們有用。 (哎，您的太太也許會認為您的豬叫是在嘲笑她。 如果出現這種情況，不要怪我，是您叫的，不是我.)

If you work on self-reflection, you will eventually have your own changes and reactions that is unique to you and your situation. At that point, you will have succeeded and will be ready for the second step.

如果您努力的在自我反省，有一天，您會發現自己有所變化、不同以往的反應。 這些變化和反應，是根據您當時所處的情況自然產生的。 如果您可以做到這個程度，您對於第二步已經做好準備了。

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