The first time that I changed my behavior due to the Method was subtle. I didn't even know I was doing it or what. It just came natural.
我第一次改變自己的習性，是一個很自然、很微妙的經驗。 這個改變我很久之後才知道。
As most married people know, husband and wife occasionally fight over the most trivial things. Things that any rational observer would say, "Are you guys idiots? Why are you fighting over such a thing?"
結婚過的人都知道，夫妻都會為瑣碎的事情吵架。 任何理性觀察者都會罵說 ：「你們是白痴嗎？為什麼要為這種事吵得那麼厲害？」
Few months after I initiated the method, during one of our fights, I suddenly had a thought: "Why am I doing this? Do I enjoy fighting with her?" But I was fighting and perished this ling of questioning. Afterward, I of course reflected on the fight and anger.
修行開始後，過了幾個月，有次我跟我的太太吵架。 在吵架當中，突然心中有了一個念頭：「我為什麼要這樣做呢？我喜歡嗎？」 但那時我很生氣，就消滅了這個念頭。 結束之後，我開始反省這個吵架和憤怒。
The next time, during the fight, another set of thoughts came to me: "It seems like we are following a formula in our fight. I know if I do A, she will do B, then I can do C, so she will do D...etc. It seems like I will only be satisfied if I see all of her expected reactions, namely, B, D...etc." This thought strike me as odd. Because this means that I continue the fight because I need to see her reactions. If I don't see her expected reactions, I would not be satisfied, and I would continue fighting. Then the reason I fight with her is to satisfy my "habits." Because, I do not get any satisfaction from fighting, because I feel sad at the end as well.
下一次，在吵架當中，又有了另一個念頭：「我們好像是照方程式在吵架，如果我做A，她會做B；那麼我可以做C，因此她將做D...等，似乎我需要這樣做才會滿意。 也就是說我需要看到心中所預期的反應，即B，D...等，按照這樣的模式，吵架才會結束，但問題並沒有解決，之後我們還是會為了類似的問題在吵 架。」 對我來說這很奇怪，我們是為了各自的習性在吵架；而不是為了我自己，畢竟吵完之後我也不會很開心。
We fought few more times, and this idea came out during those times. But I was actually afraid, afraid of change. So I did nothing, and let the fight came to the predictable end that I knew it would. Afterward, I would reflect on my fear.
我們又吵了幾次，這個想法也一直出現在吵架當中。 但是我害怕改變，所以，我什麼也沒做，只是讓這個架吵到已經預知結果，然後就結束。 每次我都會反省自己的恐懼。
Finally, one day, during the fight, I did A, and she did B. Instead of doing C, I told her this idea. I told her that I could do C, and then you would do D and so on. I told her that it would not go anywhere and I don't want to continue because it was no fun at all. I do not need to feed my "habit". That time, the fight ended differently.
終於有一天，在吵架當中，我做了A，我太太也做了B，但是我沒做C，我告訴她這個想法。 我告訴她，我可以做C，然後妳會做D..等，這樣下去不是辦法。 我不想繼續吵下去，因為跟妳吵架一點都沒有樂趣。 我不想讓自己這個習性一直存在。 那次吵架有了不同的結果。
I know, I know. You have all read this before in some self-improvement book somewhere. Actually, so did I, probably many many years ago. But in all these time of fighting, this knowledge did not helped in any way, because it is hard to think of this sort of thing during a fight. This is what we mean by knowledge and empirical understanding. From the book, I gain the knowledge that this is the reason we fight. From self-reflection, I empirically understand that the knowledge is correct. It is hard to apply a knowledge when one is emotional. Only the knowledge that is empirically understood can help in emotional times.
我知道、我知道。 你們都看過類似這種建議跟想法， 很多年前我也看過那類的書。 但這麼久的時間以來，在多次的吵架中，這知識對我沒有任何幫助。 在吵架當中，一個人很難去想這種事。 這就是知識和體會的差別。 從書中，我得到該如何解決吵架的知識。 從自我反思，我體會了這個知識。 在情緒高潮的時候，大腦的知識是很難被運用到的。 在那時候，只有心領神會（體會）的知識能幫您。
From that day forward, our fight all ended unpredictably. I think we both are trying not to fight at all.
從那天起，我們吵架的結果變得難以預測，我們盡量不吵架了。
We still fight, but fewer and shorter. And sometime, our fight even ended up with laughter, instead of tears.
當然還是會吵架，但吵架的時間變短、次數變少了。 甚至有時，我們的吵架是用笑聲結束的，而不是眼淚。
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