流浪者之歌 13 Siddhartha XIII

流浪者之歌 13 Siddhartha XIII

悉達多無力的拖著身體走下山，狼的拒絕讓他只能嘆息！走著走著，一個黑影閃過，他還來不及看，就感覺自己在一個濕濕黏黏的地方，看不見任何東西，只感覺到會蠕動，啊!完了!自己被狼吃進去肚子，悉達多意識到一件他根本不曾想過的事，再怎麼說他都教過狼，甚至在村民要打死牠的時候，還替牠遮掩一下，好讓牠有時間逃走，至少自己應該還不是牠的食物，至少 !

悉達多用哭泣，變了調的聲音，跟自己說著。

哀傷的悉達多感覺到蠕動的力量，跟一股酸性的液體，開始要鑽進身體，不行 ! 死在哪裡都可以，就是不能死在狼的肚子裡。

絶不 !  前所未有的堅定，貫徹悉達多的身體，自從流浪後還不曾跟誰起過對立、搏鬥的心，但要死在自己指導過的狼嘴裡，沒有任何理由可以說服自己，乖乖被狼吃完。悉達多集中精神，讓自己的身體像鋼鐵般，奮力──再奮力——衝破狼的肚子。

狼被撕裂的直發抖，不能置信的驚恐，牠還沒看過食物可以從牠嘴裡、肚子裡重新再現。

半寄

Still sighing with regret over being rejected by the wolf, Siddhartha wearily made his way down the mountain. As he walked along, he was suddenly enveloped within an indistinct shadow, and immediately found himself enclosed in a pitch dark place filled with a pulsating slime. “Oh no---I’ve been swallowed whole by the wolf.” He suddenly recalled the time when he shielded the wolf from the villagers’ angry blows, giving the wolf a chance to escape, telling himself in a strained voice, “And now I’ve become the wolf’s next meal! How can this be?”

Thoroughly dejected, feeling the pulsating acidic slime begin to dissolve his body, Siddhartha declared, “No way! I’m not afraid to die, but not in the wolf’s belly!”

“Never!” cried out Siddhartha with an unshakable determination permeating his body. Ever since becoming a wandering ascetic, not even once has he gotten into a conflict, but there’s no way he was going to passively allow himself to be eaten by the wolf!

Entering into a deep concentration, Siddhartha made his body as hard as steel, pressing and pressing, until he finally broke through the wolf’s stomach.

Trembling with pain and disbelief, the wolf wondered how it could be that his prey has emerged from his stomach.

Master Ban Ji

Translated by Ken Kraynak

 

 

   

                                                           

流浪者之歌 12 Siddhartha XII

流浪者之歌 12 Siddhartha XII

悉達多第一次感覺到，我的身體不是我的，一直以來總無法相信指導者跟他說的，身體是不自由的，身體被外面及內在很多因素牽動著。

現在狼還很堅定跟自己說 : 你需要我的。

自己曾經多麼引以為傲，所做所為都是符合人世間的至善至美，再也不曾感覺到，有什麼痛苦，折磨會在自己的身邊? 而現在一個轉身，就一個轉身，原來那些他認為已經消失的人間苦痛，真真可以觸摸就在自己的旁邊。對於善與惡，從來沒深入了解過，更何況是自己用生命要追求的解脫，一切都只停留在自我的感覺裡，自我認定的善與惡裡，自我認為的修持裡 !

狼的話，強而有力穿刺的說：「悉達多，你自認的善，不堪一擊」

悉達多記得指導者說過 : 明白善、惡是解脫的第一個思考方向，了解了什麼，才能解脫什麼 !

生命導師啊 !  悉達多嘴唇沒有力量發聲，只能用他的心顫抖喊著，「給我一點力量，我就要消失，我從來不知道我沒有力量，現在更連站著都有問題 !」

半寄

This was the first time Siddhartha had ever felt that his body was not his own. Although many times in the past his teacher had told him that the body has no freedom, since it is constantly being affected by all sorts of factors, both internal and external, he could never fully accept this idea.

At that time, the wolf was certain that Siddhartha needed him.

Siddhartha was proudly convinced that everything he did was in perfect conformity with the standards of human ethics, and he was certain that no suffering or setback would ever beset him. But now things were different, and all those tribulations he thought were a thing of the past were now upon him. He had never gained a deep understanding of good and evil, to say nothing of liberation, the quest for which had become the focus of his life. Everything came to a halt in his feeling and perception, in his views on good and evil, and in his ideas about spiritual practice.

As for this, the wolf pointedly declared, “Siddhartha, your understanding of goodness is extremely fragile.”Siddhartha then recalled that his teacher once said, “Understanding good and evil is of primary importance on the path of liberation; to be liberated from something, you have to first understand it!”

“You are my teacher in life!” said Siddhartha, dumbstruck for a moment, before blurting out with trembling lips, “Give me some strength; I’m just about finished; I’ve always thought of myself as strong and energetic, but right now I can barely remain standing!”

Master Ban Ji

Translated by Ken Kraynak

流浪者之歌11 Siddhartha XI(悉達多的流浪故事)

流浪者之歌11 Siddhartha XI(悉達多的流浪故事)

 

狼比我聰明好多，悉達多跟自己說著，自己一直以來很簡潔的活著，後來又吃了聖旨，更只剩下簡單的線條，那樣的生活！讓自己認定大家都只吃聖旨的時候，應該是普天同慶的時節。

如果不是他不吃聖旨，讓神經恢復了感覺，真正感受到村民跟他說：小孩被吃掉的痛苦，他還一直自認是個真正的行持者，行持著人世間圓滿的行為。

記得很久以前常常看見各種動物，也不覺得有什麼奇怪？什麼時候開始變得喜歡看「動物穿著人的衣服」？動物本來就有牠自己的衣服，穿著人的衣服，連他也認不出那是狼！更迷惘、弔詭的是，自己喜歡看「穿人衣服的狼」。

一種神經性質的抽痛，在他腦海傳遍，頭痛欲裂，悉達多自己快要垮了，四肢像似分散的痛苦，他的生命裡還沒有過這種痛，痛的穿刺讓他頓時感到就要從此消散。

半寄

“The wolf is smarter than me,” Siddhartha said to himself. Long accustomed to simple living, once he began eating shengzhi his mode of thinking became even more succinct. It was probably on a festive occasion that he was finally convinced that everybody should only eat shengzhi.

If not for his exclusive diet of shengzhi, he would have been able to feel the villagers’ pain when they said to him, “That wolf of his ate our children, yet he keeps on insisting that that wolf is really a yogi of upright character.”

He remembers that previously he saw nothing strange about animals, making him wonder when it was that he began to be so pleased by the sight of an animal in human clothing. Animals have their natural clothing, and even he didn’t recognize the wolf when he was dressed in human clothes. Strangest of all was that he enjoyed the sight of a wolf wearing human clothing.

A throbbing neural pain filled his brain; feeling as if his head were about to split, the pain seemed to spread to his arms and legs. It was a type of pain he had never felt before, and it was so intense that he wanted to disappear.

Master Ban Ji

Translated by Ken Kraynak

 

 

 

                                                                   

 

流浪者之歌10 Siddhartha X

流浪者之歌10 Siddhartha X

悉達多心裡始終沒忘記狼來借衣服穿，欺騙他的感覺，尋尋覓覓的，想找個老師指導自己這方面的缺失，但大家聽說是狼，都搖頭說：沒聽說過誰可以讓狼變成人，或者讓狼溫馴一些。

一直缺乏指導者的悉達多，決定自己試試去了解狼，不然自己一山、一村的流浪著，想找尋人跟動物有什麼不一樣的答案？！恐怕永遠無解答。

悉達多，來到狼的面前，還沒開口說話，狼一溜煙的跑回自己的窩，隔著門板對悉達多説：我沒穿上人類衣服的時候，你不能看到我，也不能跟我交談。

一陣子的沈默，狼緩緩而且堅定的說：過些日子以後，你會發現，你需要我的幫忙，動物裡邊只有我到你面前──還懂得穿上衣服，只有我...........

半寄

Siddhartha still remembers how the wolf looked dressed in his clothing, how he had felt deceived, how he went to all the teachers he knew of to get some advice on how to deal with this problem, and how they all gave pretty much the same answer: “I’ve never heard of anybody training a wolf, let alone transforming a wolf into a man.”

Finally, Siddhartha decided to find out for himself how to train a wolf, realizing that seeking out yet another wise man in yet another remote locale was likely an exercise in futility.As soon as he approached the wolf, before he had a chance to utter a single word, the wolf darted off to his lair, closed the door, and said, “Unless I’m wearing human clothing, you are not allowed to see me or talk to me.”

After a stretch of silence, the wolf slowly and firmly said, “In a few days from now, you will need my help. Of all the animals, I’m the only one who comes up to you, and I’m the only one who wears human clothing.”

Master Ban Ji

 Translated by Ken Kraynak

 

 

 

 

                                                                     

 

流浪者之歌9 Siddhartha IX(悉達多的流浪故事)

流浪者之歌9
Siddhartha IX(悉達多的流浪故事)

悉達多徘徊在幾個修持者之間，不知該跟誰去修學？每一個行者，都跟他說：要行善，要做好人。

希達多聽到那些教導很能認同，但他心裡面又想著，我就是被好人的定義混淆，才來這裡的啊！到底修學裡面有沒有其他的教法？難道只是要做好人？還是還有其他的內容？自己那麼辛苦的翻山越嶺、痛苦的跟親人道別，來到修學者聚集的地方，難道只為學習做個好人？他就是已經不懂什麼樣子才算好人（服侍自己的親人，算不算是好人）？！所以很辛苦的想要知道。

修持者一聽到他問說：請告訴我，好人的樣子。每一個很有修行的行者都訝異到不行，彷彿說：這個人頭腦有問題，不然就是理解能力太差，好人就是做好事都叫好人，這麼簡單的問題，為什麼他還要想？！他們也不懂？這個想知道好人樣子的悉達多到底在想些什麼？

悉達多還記得上回離開，是為了，他想問其他人 "我的傷口為什麼一直沒有好？" 他還記得那些行者聽說他傷口沒好，趕忙著翻看經典寫的「傷口」的樣子，就是沒有人探個頭來看看他的傷口。

悉達多只好黯然離開，再次啟程去尋找他的答案。

半寄

Siddhartha was finding it difficult to decide which teacher he should follow, since they all emphasized the importance of making merit and being a good person.

Although he recognized the value of this teaching, he couldn’t help but think that he was attracted to it precisely because he was unclear about what it meant to be a good person! He wondered about lots of things: Are there other ways of spiritual practice? Is it enough to be a good person, or is there more to it than that? Was it really necessary to leave one’s family and make such a long and arduous journey to a distant ashram just to learn how to be a good person? What does it mean to be a good person? Is someone who ministers only to his relatives a good person? These are some of the things he yearned to understand.

Whenever he asked a teacher about what it means to be a good person, the reaction was complete surprise: “What sort of person could be so daft as to ask such an impertinent question? There must be something wrong with his brain, or perhaps he has a learning disability. A good person is someone who does good deeds. Why bother asking such a silly question? Nobody else does. What could this Siddhartha possibly be getting at with this line of inquiry?”

Siddhartha still remembers the time he left the village and why he did so. When he asked his fellow yogis why his wound had still not healed, they went straight to the scriptures to find out what they had to say about wounds, but nobody actually looked at his wound.

Seeing no alternative, he dejectedly set out on yet another journey in search of an answer.

Master Ban Ji

 Translated by Ken Kraynak

 

                                   

流浪者之歌8 Siddhartha VIII

流浪者之歌8 Siddhartha VIII(悉達多的流浪故事)

悉達多，很艱難的不吃聖旨，才發覺聖旨會受歡迎的主要原因，

是簡單又不用太費力氣，他不敢再享用，開始多方面的進食，一

段時間過去，他的腦海線條明顯增加起來，想起自己為什麼要去

流浪？想起自己受過的指導，自己想把所學施展的期待，狼的吞

噬，這才驚覺到自己，既不懂人群的想望，更不明白狼的慾望，

卻一直以為自己已經可以轉變人群的思考模式，可以讓狼完全變

成人。

一切都還不清楚，原來指導者的教導，他還沒懂！

一股流浪者想要完美的心情，讓他沉沒在人與動物之間。

剛有的腦海線條，像撕裂的傷痕在恢復，難挨，又觸摸不得，很

熟悉的線條，很陌生的自己。

悉達多又踏上流浪的旅途。

半寄

With much difficulty, Siddhartha stopped eating shengzhi, whereupon he finally realized why the villagers liked it so much: It was relatively easy to grow and simple to prepare. Some time after he stopped eating shengzhi and began eating a variety of foods, his breadth of mind began to expand, and he remembered why he had set out wandering in the first place. He also thought about the teachings he had received and now intended to share, and the wolf’s gluttony, whereupon he realized that his understanding of the motivations of people was quite limited, not to mention those of the wolf. Yet, all along he thought he could change the way people think, and could even transform the wolf into a man.

He finally realized that he was unclear about lots of things, including the full import of what his original teacher taught him.

Demanding perfection leaves a wandering ascetic in a state between man and animal.

These threads of thought were like a wound trying to heal, difficult to endure, hard to grasp---familiar thoughts, and an unfamiliar self.

Now was the time for Siddhartha to recommence his life as a wandering ascetic.

 

 Master Ban Ji

 Translated by Ken Kraynak

                                   

 

  

                                                                   

流浪者之歌7 Siddhartha VII

流浪者之歌7 Siddhartha VII(悉達多的流浪故事)

悉達多聽說有一個村莊很文明，很喜歡學習，是教學者心目中的聖地，不假思索的他也來到村莊。

跟在智者身邊學習的悉達多，擁有很多的學問，他一定要好好的傳授出去，來到村落後，才發覺很多來教授學問的先生都離開了村落，雖然他也沒辦法只吃聖旨維生，但他想，我一定可以改變村民，不讓他們只吃聖旨。

為了讓村民放心的接受他，悉達多吃比村民更多的聖旨，讓村民清楚他比任何來過村莊的人，更適合留在這裡。

很快 !  悉達多在村莊擁有唯一教授師的地位，村民很樂意親近他，尤其看到他吃那麼多聖旨時，更是個個樂開懷。

悉達多從沒有忘記他到村莊的願望，他要傳授他的學問，但吃進去的聖旨在發揮效用，他一下子記得自己的理想，一下子覺得村民的做法是世上唯一的好方法，他自己的大腦不斷跟吃聖旨後的自己交戰，慢慢的，他的大腦線條愈來愈少，有一天，他自己的大腦，用嚴厲的口氣對悉達多說：趁著我還有其他的線條幫你記憶，趕快把你的學問教出去，不然我自己快不見了，大腦很憂鬱焦躁的跟悉達多説。

悉達多跟隨著大腦的呼喚，來到村民前面，想開始教學，只見大家都很尊敬的跟他說：老師別急，先來吃聖旨，吃過聖旨我們再開課。

半寄

As soon as Siddhartha heard about this highly cultured village which had become a Mecca of scholarship, he immediately decided to visit.

Studying at the feet of the village’s learned teachers, Siddhartha excelled in his studies, and soon had plans for teaching others what he had learned. It was only after coming to the village that he learned that quite a few teachers had left, due to their inability to subsist on a diet consisting exclusively of shengzhi. In fact, Siddhartha also had the same difficulty at first, and he hoped that eventually the village would begin to diversify its diet.

In the meantime, however, in order to gain the villagers’ confidence, Siddhartha ate more shengzhi than anyone else, thereby demonstrating that he would fit in better than anyone who had come before.

Before long, Siddhartha became the head teacher in the village. He was held in high esteem by everyone, and his reputation was further enhanced by the copious amount of shengzhi he consumed.

Although his original intention in coming to the village had been to share his knowledge with others, consuming such a large amount of shengzhi began to have a certain effect on his mind. At one moment he would be aware of his own ideal and goal, and at another moment he felt that the way things were done in the village is the only right way to do things. It was as if his pre- and post-shengzhi mind was constantly at war with itself, and that his breadth of mind was gradually shrinking, until one day his conscience severely rebuked him in a tone both anxious and melancholy, “Now’s the time to share your knowledge with others. Don’t wait, lest I disappear and you forget.”

Admonished by his conscience, Siddhartha assembled the villagers and announced his intention to teach something different, according to his original intention, whereupon the villagers respectfully demurred, “There’s no hurry. Let’s first eat some shengzhi; leave that for later.”

Master Ban Ji

 Translated by Ken Kraynak

                                    

 

                                                                   

 

流浪者之歌6 Siddhartha VI

流浪者之歌6 Siddhartha VI(悉達多的流浪故事)

悉達多指導的村莊是一個有著文明歷史的村莊，從很久的年代開始，這個村莊就是很多有知識、學問的人嚮往的場所，有學問的人們，都希望到這裡一展長才，教出更傑出的傳人。

好多的賢者，大學問家都來過這個村莊，剛開始村民個個興奮異常的迎接他們的到來，何等的榮耀 ! 才讓群賢聚集在我們的村裡。

大學問家一個個施展他們的學問，村民一天到晚都在忙著吸收教學的內容，每個學者都說 : 這個太重要了，不學 ! 你們會變成低等動物，大家聽說不學習，會變成低等動物個個開始不分晝夜的學習，有教謀生知識的，有教如何把動物變成人的，更有教，當一個人要如何坐好、站好才像個人的，還有說: 去看水，水可以給你們一切的啟示..........

一年一年的累積，好累喔 ! 村民彼此說著，累到老師是誰都看不清了!

能不能有一個方法，只選用簡單的食物，讓吃下去的食物，透過消化後讓大腦自己動起來，這樣就不用天天團團轉，還可以當個高等動物，學習那麼多，大部份是他們自己都不能理解的學問。

通過村民大會的同意，大家都認同只吃聖旨，這樣就可以多出時間去做其他的事，也可以提高效率，一種食物的供給很省事，又不用學習很多，大家都累了。

於是聖旨這種食物，快速的被種植，享用。

半寄

The village for which Siddhartha served as the spiritual guide had a long history as a seat of learning, attracting lots of erudite scholars keen on deepening their knowledge and passing it on to others.

Everyone living in the village was proud of its reputation as a center of scholarship, so much so that only virtuous pundits were allowed to stay there.These learned scholars taught their respective subjects day and night, as all the villagers eagerly listened. Each lecture began and concluded with such words as, “If you don’t learn this well, you will be reborn as a lowly creature,” thereby making everyone even more intent on their studies. Some imparted practical knowledge useful for making a living; others taught how to turn an animal into a human being; others taught the proper way to sit and stand; still others instructed their pupils in how to learn the secrets of the universe by observing water.

In this way, year after year, the villagers sedulously accumulated such a surfeit of knowledge that they began to confuse one teacher for another!      

Eventually, some began to wonder if there might be some kind of food one could eat to enhance the functioning of the brain, obviating intensive study of abstruse subjects and bringing about rebirth on a higher grade of existence.  

For the purpose of discussing this issue, the villagers convened a meeting, at which it was agreed that only shengzhi would be eaten in the village, so as to increase the efficiency of their studies, allowing them more time and energy for other things.

Thus they promptly set about planting shengzhi, which soon became their staple food.

Master Ban Ji

 Translated by Ken Kraynak

                                    

 

                                                                    

 

 

 

 

 

 

流浪者之歌 5 Siddhartha V

流浪者之歌 5  Siddhartha V

悉達多的指導者，在人群裡有著很好的名氣，大家都推崇他是當世的智者，他再次看見悉達多後，平靜許久的心，騰騰起來，他不能接受這個他曾經認為最有可能成就的追隨者，腦海只剩下一條線，他一定要去看看什麼地方生長「聖旨」？為什麼哪種食物那麼可怕？可以把優秀的學習者整合成只剩一條線？！

指導者喬裝進入悉達多指導的村莊，沒有人知道他是誰，只覺得他很奇怪在村莊到處看，也不知在找什麼？

吃飯的時間到了，指導者拿出他自己預備的食物出來，結果令他倉皇不已，以從沒想過的狼狽離開村莊。

他一拿出食物，原先不太注意他的村民，全部包圍著他，沸沸揚揚的說：我們這裡只吃聖旨，不是聖旨的食物，連一點都不能在我們這裡出現，一點都不行，緊迫間指導者說出他是誰！想這樣應該可以平息村莊對他的存疑？！

不想！村民對他說：你這個魔鬼，敢來這裡欺騙我們，我們最最尊崇的智者，也只吃聖旨，你沒吃聖旨，根本就是假的­──

指導者被群眾一起轟出村莊。

半寄

Siddhartha’s teacher was highly regarded as a great sage. However, the next time Siddhartha came to see him, it took him a while to regain his composure. For it was very difficult forSiddhartha’s teacher to accept that his most promising disciple had become so narrow minded. He wanted know where in the world he had gotten this idea about zhengzhi, and what it was about this zhengzhi that had made such an excellent disciple become so narrow minded.

To this end, Siddhartha’s teacher put on a disguise and paid a visit to the village. Nobody recognized him, but everyone noticed this strange character snooping around the village.

When it came time to eat, Siddhartha’s teacher took out the food he had brought with him. Much to his surprise, he was soon surrounded by everyone in the village, who indignantly informed him, “In this village of ours only shengzhi may be eaten; everything else is strictly forbidden---no exceptions!” Hoping to put their doubts and indignation to rest, he quickly revealed his identity, but to no avail.

Much to his surprise, they told him, “You must be some kind of a devil, intent on deceiving us. Our highly esteemed wise man only eats shengzhi, and if you don’t eat it as well, you must surely be a fraud!”

Thereupon the Siddhartha’s teacher was unceremoniously removed from the village.

Master Ban Ji

 Translated by Ken Kraynak

                                    

 

                                                                   

 

 

 

 

流浪者之歌4 Siddhartha IV

流浪者之歌4 Siddhartha 

村落的人們湧向悉達多，氣憤難平的指責他，為什麼讓狼去吃他們的食物，包括小孩？

悉達多剛開始沒聽懂村民的話，因為他的腦海裡面沒有他們描述的情景，雖然他也看過人變成狼的樣子，但他實在無法想像狼吃小孩的畫面，而受嚴重創傷的村民，那會理解悉達多那純潔的心靈！

給我們一個交待，村民怒吼著，悉達多想解釋；「我不懂狼，況且牠也不歸我管」，但沒有用，傷心淹沒了一切，村民明明看到狼從悉達多那裡出來。

悉達多匆忙離開他的修學處，一路狂奔去找他的師父，我到底哪裡錯了？！悉遧多問他的師父。

他的指導者看著他，只問他：你的腦海線條為什麼只剩下一條？！？！？！

腦海不是要很多的點、線，很多的點、線才能構成的嗎？

當悉達多告訴他的指導者，他後來只吃一種食物叫「聖旨」時，他的指導者無言，因為他明明白白的囑咐過他，向寬廣處移動，向海洋處游去，千萬不要停留。

半寄

The residents of the nearby village were enraged with Siddhartha, demanding to know why he had allowed the wolf to eat their animals and even a few of their children.

Siddhartha, however, found it difficult at first to understand what they were so riled up about. Although he had seen his disciple turn into a wolf, he simply couldn’t imagine him actually eating a child. Nor was it possible for the villagers to understand how Siddhartha could possibly be so simple-minded.

Faced with the villagers’ wrath, Siddhartha tried to explain that he was unfamiliar with the ways of wolves, and that in any case he had no control over the wolf’s actions. But it was of no avail, for the villagers’ sorrow had closed their ears, and all that mattered to them was the fact that the wolf had come from Siddhartha’s hermitage.

Making a hasty exit from his hermitage, he went straight to see his teacher to try to find out where he had gone wrong.

His teacher took one look at him and asked, “How is it that there is only one line of thought left in your mind?”

After all, isn’t the mind composed of a large number of interwoven threads?

When Siddhartha told his teacher that these days he only ate zhengzhi, his teacher remained silent, since he had once clearly admonished him that for one passing through a wide open expanse or swimming in the ocean, the most important thing is to keep moving.

Master Ban Ji

 Translated by Ken Kraynak