剝落5（未央歌）Peeling Off 5

 南禪朋友好！

剝落5（未央歌）

舉個例子說明我對佛法的熱愛！也是三十幾年前，

有一次在台北跟某大學的文學院院長夫人她也是退休教授，走

在她們住處附近散步談話，

我問：佛教道場的教育都說要莊重，我總覺得我年青毛毛躁

躁。

她說：孔子五十才知天命。

走了約200公尺，她停住轉頭看我一眼不可置信的說；一排名車

在旁邊她70幾歲了看還心動，她看我竟然連看一眼都沒有，經

由她的提醒，看了一下周遭，真的一排名車！

（我沒說的是；陳教授不知我心頭的焦慮，那來心情賞名

車。）

當下跟我說：去唸佛學院吧！費用全部她出！

我說我也想，但評估過學校的書一年唸太少了，不夠我用，

（標準的年少輕狂，不知死活的傢伙，哈！）

後來她老人家唸著要南下看我，我黏在佛學書海裏彷彿停讀一

天都沒辦法而沒讓她來，也再沒北上看她，（只託俊得跟韻如

去探望）她老人家讓我知道什麼是俠骨。

 

是不是這種性格呢？「剝落」於我是完全可以做的事。

 

半寄

 

（寫完剝落5，竟然感應已經往生的陳教授站在她家跟我道別-

後會有期，依舊的白牆書畫。

我頓感悲欣交集，請體諒別後匆匆，再唱未央歌，一定。）

 

Peeling Off 5

 

Greetings, friends of NanZen!

 

Here’s an example of my love for Buddhism! It also happened more than 30 years ago.

One day in Taipei, I was walking near the house of a retired professor, the wife of a university literature department dean. As we strolled and talked, I asked her, ‘Buddhist teachings dignity and solemnity, but I feel like I’m still so young and impulsive.’

 

She replied, ‘Confucius only understood the will of heaven at fifty.’

 

After walking about 200 meters, she suddenly stopped, looked at me in disbelief, and said, “Look at that line of luxury cars over there. Even at my age—over 70—I still find them fascinating. But you, you didn’t even glance at them!’

 

It was only after she pointed it out that I looked around and realized, yes, there really was a row of luxury cars parked there. (What I didn’t tell her was that my heart was preoccupied with anxiety, so I wasn’t in the mood to admire fancy cars.) 

 

Right then, she said to me, “You should go and study in a Buddhist college! I’ll cover all the expenses.” 

 

I replied, “I’d like to, but I’ve assessed their curriculum, and the amount of reading they do in a year isn’t enough for me.” (In hindsight, this was such a typical example of youthful arrogance—completely unaware of my own limits, haha!)

 

Later, she proposed to travel south to visit me, but I was so deeply immersed in Buddhist texts that I couldn’t even bear to take a single day off from reading, so I didn’t invite her to come. Nor did I travel north to see her again. (I only asked Jun-de and Yun-ru to visit her on my behalf.) She showed me what it truly means to have a heroic and chivalrous spirit.

 

I wonder if it is due to such part of my personality that ‘peeling off’, detaching from old perceptions, is something I can do with ease.

Master Banji

 

PS: After finishing ‘Peeling Off 5’, I suddenly sensed the late Professor Chen standing in her home, bidding me farewell with the words, ‘Until we meet again’. The familiar white walls and calligraphy paintings were still there.

 

I suddenly felt grief and joy intermingled. Please understand the haste of my departure. Until we meet again.