南禪台南讀書會 Nanzen Study Club in Tainan

 

南禪台南讀書會

 

    南禪精舍後來有了一些台南地區的老師加入，那時候南禪精舍是沒有辦活動的，就是要來的人預約一下。

兩三年以後有一次我去台南，

楊雅惠老師不曉得問我什麼？讓我心生內疚，想說其他道場都有辦活動，他們的信眾都有一個依歸，跟隨我的大德學佛的路似乎若有若無。

 

台南地區的老師會跟隨我大概都有一些事情請我迴向，他們對我的印象是師父會迴向，其他內容就不是那麼清楚，但我的內心對我個人研究的佛法存在著一定的價值感，迴向的功力對我而言，不過就是修行的附屬品，

做得好是大家的福報，我不是那麼掛心，副產品不重要，主要的產品佛法才重要。好像也是這種心態，讓我下意識在逃避做功德迴向。

 

等楊雅惠老師在跟我說一些其他道場活動的時候，我的內疚才生了起來！

台南跟潮州讀書會就這樣產生，這也是我要的，我本來就是研究佛法的，不是研究做功德迴向的，迴向的能力是修行路上產生的副屬品。

台南讀書會由南禪基金會執行長郭芳純老師提供地方，楊雅惠老師把委原本就認識的台南的老師召集起來，就這樣成立，如果我沒有記錯的話，應該也將近20年的時間，

台南讀書會成員大都是國中老師，台南是古都，我個人覺得台南地區的老師程度與內容上是不太一樣的，讀書會成員家庭通常有兩三位老師，不然就是公務人員，台南是一個很注重教育的地方，文藝氣息的交流也是很頻繁。

由於讀書會的成員有一些事，我迴向成功的，所以大家的感情也不一樣。

一路上讀書會基金會執行長郭芳純老師的護持，還有楊雅惠老師姐妹大力的護持，讓讀書會一直很溫馨的存在，秀容、淑青、徐辜老師、惠宜老師、⋯⋯，有您們真好。

還有也感謝台南讀書會剛成立的時候，俊得助講一段佛教歷史，韻如陪他台南、新竹之間來去。

半寄

 

 

Nanzen Study Club in Tainan

 

Later, some teachers from the Tainan area joined Nanzen Vihara. At that time, Nanzen Vihara didn't organize any events, so people had to make appointments to visit. A couple of years later, during a trip to Tainan, Teacher Yahui Yang asked me something that made me feel guilty. I realized that other temples had activities for their followers, giving them a clear sense of direction, while my followers' path seemed uncertain.

 

The teachers in Tainan who followed me usually had some requests for merit dedications. Their impression of me was that I would perform dedications, but they didn’t have a clear understanding of other aspects. However, I personally valued the Buddhist teachings I researched, and the ability to dedicate merits was just a byproduct of practice. If done well, it brings blessings to everyone, but I didn’t focus on it. The byproduct wasn’t as important as the main focus—Buddhist teachings. This mindset, I believe, led me to subconsciously avoid dedicating merits

 

When Teacher Yahui Yang talked to me about the activities of other temples, I felt the guilt rise! This is how the Tainan and Chaozhou study clubs were formed. This was what I wanted, as I was focused on studying Buddhism, not on making merit dedications. The ability to dedicate merits is simply a byproduct of one’s practice.

 

The Tainan study club was established with the support of the Nanzen Foundation's Executive Director, Teacher Fangchun Guo, who provided a venue, and Teacher Yahui Yang, who gathered teachers from Tainan that she already knew. If I’m not mistaken, it has been nearly 20 years since then. Most of the members of the Tainan study club were middle school teachers. Tainan, as an ancient city, has teachers with varying levels of knowledge and expertise. Most study group members come from families where two or three people are teachers, or they are public servants. Tainan is a place that values education, and there is also frequent cultural exchange.

 

Since some members of the study club were involved in matters where I successfully dedicated merits, the bond between us grew stronger. Throughout the years, the support of Teacher Fangchun Guo and Teacher Yahui Yang, along with the backing of their sisters, has helped the study group continue to thrive with warmth. I am truly grateful to all of you, including Xiurong, Shuqing, Xugu, Huiyi, and everyone else. I am so lucky to have you all.

 

Also, I would like to thank the Tainan study group when it was first established. Junde gave a talk on Buddhist history, and Yunru accompanied him back and forth between Tainan and Hsinchu.

 

Master Banji

紅樓夢與禪3~4 Dream of the Red Chamber and Zen 3 ~4

讀者們好！

應你們的要求今天把「紅樓夢與禪」播完。

 

我知道你們看到我寫的佛法，

有時候把你們原來修行遵循的理念破壞掉，

那種焦慮以前我也經常處於這種狀態，

提供我修過走過的路，慢慢看。不要心急！

祝福大家，日安！

半寄

Hello, readers!

 

As requested, I will finish posting all the series of "Dream of the Red Chamber and Zen" today.

 

I understand that reading my writings on Buddhism may sometimes challenge or even disrupt the beliefs you originally followed in your practice.  

I’ve experienced that kind of anxiety myself in the past.  

I’m simply sharing the path I’ve walked—take your time reading and reflecting. There’s no need to rush.

Wishing you all the best. Have a great day!  

 

Banji

 

哈！秘密大公開，「他心通」這樣練，

 國外的讀者都很用功，

獻給關心我的讀者。

 紅樓夢與禪3部份內容，努力排除內心的障礙練的。

請注意，這不負教學責任。

半寄

 Ha! The big secret is revealed—this is how "telepathy" is practiced.

Readers abroad are very diligent.

The following is dedicated to those who care about me.

 Some content from Dream of the Red Chamber and Zen (Part 3) was practiced by striving to remove inner obstacles.

 Please note, this is not a formal teaching guide.

Master Banji

 

 

 

 紅樓夢與禪3

 

北傳佛法在華人地區延伸成禪宗後，便善於運用月與江水，

例如；禪師的千江有水千江月，藉由江、月的互照訴說佛性（真如）與眾生的平等，

日本鎌倉時代的道元禪師，從南宋學習曹洞宗有成，下面截圖內容充份說明他的證悟心境落實在人間日月、山河大地。

而《紅樓夢》的一切風月人物，華人喜歡用到頭終是灰飛煙滅的看待，似乎活一場都不算什麼？

果真如此嗎？

 人世間瑣瑣碎碎的事也是生活的重點及依託，

從禪師的角度來看，用過心便不相同，

或許佛性、真如、本來面目的爭議還很多，但是禪師ㄧ絲不苟的精神總是可以撕裂人性，讓學習者在他面前無所遁逃，乖乖對人性繳械。

 

即便自今那一些禪師的精神，祇留在紙本上流傳，但是字裡行間的震撼還是不可被奪，

彷彿被吼一句耳聾三天！

 恆清法師的道元禪師研究也是巨細無遺，而我個人那時更想貼切的知道，如何ㄧ步步的撕裂內心的障礙，

除了已經有的說明以外。

 

善思惟，是否更可以在春花秋月間遁逃天地？

還有被吼一句耳朵聾了三天，但卻發覺心還頑強不動，

心不動你就會起恐慌，也不願意承認自己拿自己沒輒！

半寄

Dream of the Red Chamber and Zen 3 

 

After Buddhism spread to China and evolved into Chan (Zen), it frequently used imagery of the moon and flowing water. 

For example, the Zen saying *“A thousand rivers, a thousand moons”* illustrates how the moon reflects equally in every body of water, 

symbolizing the fundamental equality between Buddha-nature (True Suchness) and all sentient beings. 

 

During Japan’s Kamakura period, Master Dōgen, who studied Sōtō Zen in the Southern Song Dynasty, expressed his enlightenment through reflections on the sun, moon, mountains, and rivers—deeply grounding his realization in the natural world. 

In Dream of the Red Chamber, all the stories of love and longing are often viewed through a fatalistic lens— 

that in the end, everything is destined to vanish like ashes in the wind.turns to dust. 

Does that mean life itself is meaningless? 

 

The trivial matters of the human world are, in fact, the foundation of daily life. 

From a Zen master’s perspective, once one fully strives, everything changes. 

There may still be endless debates about Buddha-nature, True Suchness, and one’s original face, but a Zen master’s relentless pursuit of truth cuts through human nature, 

leaving a practitioner with nowhere to hide, forcing them to surrender. 

 

Even though the teachings of these Zen masters now exist only in written form, 

their words still hold an undeniable power— 

as if a single shout could leave you deaf for three days. 

 

Master Hengqing’s research on Dōgen was incredibly thorough, 

but at the time, what I was most eager to understand 

was how to systematically break through the inner barriers of the mind— 

beyond what had already been explained. 

 

Please think clearly, 

is it possible to escape the bounds of heaven and earth through the fleeting beauty of spring blossoms and autumn moons? 

 

And what if, after being shouted at so forcefully that your ears go deaf for three days, 

you realize your heart remains unmoved? 

That stillness itself breeds unease— 

because you are forced to admit that even you have no power over your own heart.

 

Master Banji

 

紅樓夢與禪4

看紅樓歎中國古代的封建制度，然歐洲的封建也無逃脫，幸運的是他們覺醒的早！

我學習因緣法就算洞穿人性，個體依然受時代力量左右，也清楚時代也在個體所匯集的力量下推動，只是步伐走的如何而已！

 

紅樓「質本潔來還潔去」跟禪宗的「本來面目」一直是華人修行者的追求，近20年來我個人覺得它障道，如同入定守著一個定律，總想在可能的範圍再突破。

 

而今，看古典文學不再認為只是無病呻吟，那是嚴肅年代的評論，畢竟一部文學史的作品完成也是不易的，內容的豐富也不需我多言。

再者如無《紅樓夢》的文學寫成，是否封建制度的日常生活細膩將更殘篇斷簡。

「風刀霜劍嚴相逼」的破碎，把《紅樓夢》推向極緻。

 回首禪宗陪伴北傳佛系走過悠悠歲月，

風霜雪月中道得也三十棒，

道不得也三十棒。

半寄

Dream of the Red Chamber and Zen 4

 

Reading Dream of the Red Chamber, one cannot help but lament the feudal system of ancient China. 

However, European feudalism did not escape this either. Fortunately, they awakened earlier. 

Through studying dependent origination, I have realized that even if one sees through human nature, the individual is still influenced by the power of their era. 

At the same time, history is pushed forward by the collective force of individuals— 

it's just a matter of how the steps unfold. 

 

The line from Dream of the Red Chamber—"Pure at birth, pure in death"— 

and the Chan concept of "one’s original face" have long been the goal for Chinese spiritual practitioners. 

However, in the past 20 years, I have come to see it as an obstacle on the path— 

like clinging to a fixed rule in deep meditation, and thus I always strive to break through the possible limits. 

 

Now, I no longer view classical literature as mere empty complaints. 

Such comments were from a serious era. 

After all, completing a literary masterpiece is no easy task, and its richness speaks for itself. 

 

Moreover, without the literary work of Dream of the Red Chamber, would the subtle portrayal of daily life under feudalism have been lost, leaving only fragmented pieces? 

It is precisely the "cutting winds and piercing frost" that has pushed Dream of the Red Chamber to its peak. 

 

Looking back, Chan has accompanied Northern Buddhism through the ages. 

In the ever-changing winds, frost, snow, and moonlight— 

"If you answer correctly, thirty blows. If you don’t, thirty blows all the same."

 

Master Banji

 

 

 

紅樓夢與禪1~2 Dream of the Red Chamber and Zen 1 ~2

南禪朋友好！

紅樓夢與禪1

       最近寫文章累了，休息放音樂聽，

朦朧中聽到一個旋律，怎麼這麼好聽，醒來看一下，竟是《紅樓夢》詞曲。

 

「ㄧ個如水中月，ㄧ個如鏡中花，

ㄧ切虛幻如空，質本潔來還潔去，」

《紅樓夢》裡面最著名文學詞句。

 

這文學小說的詞語竟然跟華人禪宗的主要參禪話頭與思想一致，

在整個禪宗裡面找不到任何的章法來有序的敘說「水中月與鏡中花。」

但華人的禪宗傳法史裡面「水中月與鏡中花」辭藻一直是自古至今的用詞首選！

《楞嚴經》暫不列入。

 

我後來說：一群華人禪學修行人就在裡面捕風捉影有關於「鏡中花跟水中月。」

很多偉大的禪師是令人景仰的，但是佛法的內容卻另章別論。

 

例如；到水中撈月，可見但卻無月可撈，企圖用虛幻喚起執著的掉落，然而，人性的執著通常有其原故，天上的月亮都解不了執著，更何況水中月！

 

當然，有修行者是藉此開悟的，而我個人從沒試過撈月，只因覺得撈不起的幻影處處，不想為幻影傷腦筋。

半寄

 https://youtu.be/v_9MidvKJk8?si=eHc_pEtIjK76qpo7

Dream of the Red Chamber and Zen 1 

 

Greetings, friends of NanZen!

Recently, I was exhausted from writing, so I decided to take a break and listen to some music. 

Half-asleep, I heard a melody—so beautiful that it caught my attention. 

When I woke up to check, I realized it was a song from Dream of the Red Chamber. 

 

"One is like the moon in water, the other like a flower in a mirror. 

Everything is as illusory as emptiness. 

Pure by nature, one comes and goes in purity." 

 

This is one of the most famous literary verses from Dream of the Red Chamber. 

 

Surprisingly, the language in this novel closely aligns with key koans and philosophical ideas in Chinese Chan (Zen) Buddhism.
In the entire Chan tradition, there is no systematic explanation of “the moon in water and the flower in a mirror.” Yet, throughout the history of Chan Buddhism in China, these phrases have remained the preferred expressions for conveying the nature of illusion. 

(The Śūraṅgama Sūtra is excluded from this discussion.) 

 

I once remarked that many Chinese Chan practitioners seem to be chasing shadows, attempting to grasp the meaning behind “the flower in a mirror and the moon in water.” 

Many great Chinese Chan masters are truly admirable, but Chinese Buddhist teachings is another matter entirely. (Chinese Chan Buddhism has a weak theoretical foundation. )

 

For example, attempting to scoop the moon from the water—it can be seen, but there is no actual moon to retrieve. 

This metaphor is an effort to use illusion to awaken detachment. 

Yet, human attachments often have their reasons. 

If even the moon in the sky cannot resolve one’s attachments, how could the moon in the water?

 

Of course, some practitioners attain enlightenment through such reflections. 

As for me, I have never tried to scoop the moon, simply because illusions are everywhere, 

and I prefer not to trouble myself over them.

 

Master Banji

 

紅樓夢與禪2

 《紅樓夢》我歷經五六年才把它看完

，只因想交代我看完了，要不然實在是看不下去，它的詞藻雖然很美，但我對人跟人之間的曲曲折折興趣不大，

 

我自己後來回想可能跟從小就住大家庭的三合院有關，雖說人世間的恩怨三合院沒有帶給我過什麼傷害，

但是我對人情的曲折有一種自然性的厭倦與排斥，

就像我是不吃香蕉的，

為什麼不吃香蕉我也搞不太清楚？後來才想起來，

小時候大家族在阿公的帶領下就是在種香蕉外銷的，

這種情懷還導致我對台灣保護古蹟的說法興趣也不高，

好像還跟一個古蹟保護者起過爭執，

我還罵他說：那你認為老房子這麼好你為什麼不去住？自己沒住過老三合院卻硬要別人住，還漫罵一整篇！

這是題外話。

 

整個看紅樓過程不斷在腦海出現禪宗的話語，搞得難分難解，

心想，既然「水中月、鏡中花」通禪宗術語那是不是把紅樓看完等於半個徹悟？

 

Dream of the Red Chamber and Zen 2

It took me five or six years to finish reading Dream of the Red Chamber.
I only pushed through so I could say I had completed it—otherwise, I found it hard to continue.
Although the language is beautiful, I have little interest in the complexities of human relationships.

Looking back, I suspect this has something to do with growing up in a large extended family in a traditional sanheyuan courtyard house.
Though I never suffered any real harm from family conlficts,
I developed a natural aversion to the complexities of human emotions.

It’s like how I don’t eat bananas.
For a long time, I wasn’t sure why—until I remembered that as a child,
my grandfather led our family in growing bananas for export.

This same sentiment has also made me indifferent to Taiwan’s historic preservation efforts.
I once even argued with a heritage conservationist, telling him:

“If old houses are so great, why don’t you live in one yourself? You’ve never lived in a sanheyuan, yet you insist that others should!”
He even said a lot of harsh words about this.
But that’s beside the point.

While reading Dream of the Red Chamber, Chan Buddhist phrases kept surfacing in my mind,
blurring the lines between the novel and Zen thought.
I couldn’t help but wonder—
since “the moon in water” and “the flower in a mirror” are both classic Chan metaphors,
does finishing Dream of the Red Chamber count as half an enlightenment?

 

Master Banji

 https://youtu.be/v_9MidvKJk8?si=eHc_pEtIjK76qpo7

 

洪雅玲老師的回饋 Dear Readers,

 洪雅玲老師的回饋

 

幸福的讀者們！

今天早上，看了師父的發文，心中勾起了許多往事。

記得16、17歲時，和台中商專佛學社的學長姐，ㄧ起在埔里當時才剛興建的靈巖山寺打禪七，零晨三點起床，三點半早課，ㄧ大群人，在半山腰大殿前的碎石子廣場集合，天色仍是暗的，遠方翠綠的群山消失成一大片黑，在人群踩踏碎石子地面的聲響中，開始早課。當然免不了打磕睡，

好不容易，天亮了，開始傳來鳥叫聲，陽光照進當時簡樸的大殿，心裡感覺很平靜。記得ㄧ位老居士跟我說：年紀那麼小，就會來學佛，很棒啊。聽了，心裡卻有一絲迷茫。

在台中商專的五年，就在佛學社待著，當時淨土宗是唯一的養份，常常，在寺廟在蓮社，可以很平靜，但當面對現實的花花世界，紛紛擾擾卻又不斷的觸動內心。我知道，我不是可以一生只守住一句佛號的人。

插班上了大學，開學第一件事，先問學姐，佛學社在哪裡？

記得當時的中原大學佛學社在一條巷子裏的一樓，暗暗的，跟我在台中商專佛學社的明亮感覺不同。但我卻在這暗暗的地方，遇見師父、遇見文宗。

開學沒多久，記得在一個黃昏，師父來佛學社演說。我第一次看見師父，記得師父的演說不長，（文宗竟記得師父說的主題是：對於中國人識時務者為俊傑 這樣觀念的反思。）

當時，我覺得這位師父和我以前認識的師父不一樣。後來，師父寄給文宗一箱一箱的書，那些書，讓我覺得好奇又佩服，在這之前，從沒有人會推薦我看那些書，更何況是一位出家師父推薦？

過往我認得的出家人，只有看佛經啊。在思想上，師父啟發了文宗，文宗影響了我。從此之後，我知道自己再也回不去了。

年輕時的我，曾經非常敏感，非常迷失，能遇見師父，接受佛法思想的洗禮，是我這一生最大的福報！感謝師父！

 

(洪雅玲老師後來被天下雜誌票選為種子教師有送到香港去受訓過，

我們的讀書會也都會借重她的長才，真是感謝🙏 )     

 

半寄

 

 

Feedback from Teacher Yaling Hong

 

Dear Readers,

 

This morning, as I read the Master's post, many memories came rushing back. 

 

I remember when I was 16 or 17, I joined the senior members of the Taichung Commercial College Buddhist Society for a seven-day Zen retreat at Lingyan Mountain Temple in Puli, which was newly built at the time. We woke up at 3:00 AM, started morning prayers at 3:30 AM, and gathered in front of the main hall on a gravel courtyard halfway up the mountain. The sky was still dark, and the once lush green mountains in the distance had faded into a vast black silhouette. Amidst the sound of footsteps crunching on the gravel, we began our morning practice. Of course, we were sleepy, but finally, the sun rose. Birds started chirping, and sunlight shone into the simple main hall, making me feel peaceful.

 

I remember an elderly lay practitioner telling me, "You are so young and already learning Buddhism. That's wonderful!" But hearing this, I felt a bit lost. I spent five years in the Buddhist Society at Taichung Commercial College, where Pure Land Buddhism was my only spiritual nourishment. At temples and Buddhist centers, I often felt calm, but when I faced the real world, my heart was constantly disturbed. I knew I wasn't someone who could dedicate my whole life to just nianfo (Buddhist chanting).

 

When I transferred to university, the first thing I did was ask a senior where the Buddhist Society was. I remember that at Chung Yuan Christian University, the Buddhist Society was on the first floor of a small, dimly lit alleyway—very different from the bright and open space of my previous one. But in that dark place, I met the Master and Wenzong.

 

Shortly after the semester began, I recall one evening when the Master came to give a talk. It was my first time seeing her. Her talk was short (Wenzong even remembered that the topic was a reflection on the Chinese saying, "A wise person knows how to adapt to circumstances."). At that moment, I felt that this Master was different from any I had met before.

 

Later, the Master sent Wenzong boxes of books. Those books made me curious and amazed—before this, no one had ever recommended such books to me, let alone a Buddhist nun! The Buddhist monks and nuns I had known before only read Buddhist scriptures. In terms of thought and philosophy, the Master inspired Wenzong, and Wenzong influenced me. From that moment on, I knew there was no turning back.

 

When I was young, I was very sensitive and lost. Meeting the Master and receiving the wisdom of Buddhism has been the greatest blessing of my life. Thank you, Master!

 

(Teacher Yaling Hong was later selected as a "Seed Teacher" by CommonWealth Magazine and was sent to Hong Kong for training.

 

Our book club also benefits from her talents. We are truly grateful! 🙏)

 

Master Banji

南禪精舍成立3 The Founding of NanZen Vihara 3

 

南禪精舍成立3

 在諸多因素不能安頓下，只能選擇自己有棲身之所，這在文章「剝落4」有提到ㄧ部分。

 

有棲身之所後，已經辭去教職，在農禪寺聖嚴法師那裡當編輯的陳麗雀，來幫忙讀經典的工作。

慢慢的，

南禪精舍的居士對精舍採取按月供養迴向的助力，在無後顧之憂下，完成了一邊實修，一邊佛典研究的工作。

 

有些時候也曾想過要不要像其他道場做些什麼？

但在常常面對雞同鴨講的狀況下，對於人群沒有說話的對象，

只好寫書，再來只能開讀書會，

後來乾脆關閉精舍大門。

 

人群對我而言ㄧ直是父子騎驢的尷尬與不堪。

記得小時候只要走出我們住的三合院，一定會有人跟我說：你阿公很吝嗇！

我太小也聽不懂，後來才明白所謂很吝嗇是對他們沒有做出捐款的意思。

再來是我出家以後，信徒老是莫名其妙跟我說什麼我沒有修行之類的話，為什麼？

因為我看起來不是修苦行的。

聽到這種話，其實都想打人！

讀經讀個半死，哪裡不是修苦行的。

 

幾乎從修行開始，「際遇」兩個字促使對我的耳語不曾停歇，

如果去塑造我是一個非常有修行的行者，那太虛偽辦不到。

我寧願去說，只是一個平凡人而已！

難杜的悠悠眾口 也就任由它去漫延了，

該是我扛的，不會吭聲的。

「半寄」兩個字完全說明我的意思，不論是佛教道場的半寄，或是人間的半寄。

（有一次去一個師姐家買東西，她先生用「台語」說：半寄來了，半寄要找妳，超好笑的。）

 

不如歸去，需要誰理解呢？

 

我在修行的第10年以後，佛法的內容幾乎就已經對我提供了足夠的養分，人群對我的重要性日漸減低。

 

ㄧ間小道場從無到有，幫助著佛法的呈現，也幫忙ㄧ大群人的成長，點滴在隨筆間記錄。

半寄

 

(讀者不必好奇問我跟我俗家的往來，因為大家族衍生財產問題多，我不曾回頭，只跟有學佛者來往）

(再來，我這一生出門在外從來沒有報過家族認識的名人，

這一點到現在都引以為傲，一切靠自己的努力走過來。）

 

The Founding of NanZen Vihara 3

 

Since I couldn’t settle down due to various circumstances, I had no choice but to find a place of my own. I mentioned part of this in the article ‘Peeling Off 4’. 

 

After securing a place to stay, Li-Que Chen, who had quit her teaching job and had been working as an editor under Master Sheng Yen at Nongchan Monastery, returned to assist with the study of Buddhist scriptures.

 

Gradually, the lay practitioners of NanZen Vihara started making monthly offerings to support the vihara. This allowed us to focus on both intensive practice and Buddhist scripture research without worries.

 

At times, I wondered if I should follow other monasteries and organize activities. But often, conversations felt like talking past each other, and I had no real audience among the crowds.
So, I resorted to writing books. Later, I organized study clubs. Eventually, I just shut the vihara’s doors. 

 

For me, dealing with people has always been like the "father and son riding a donkey" dilemma—whatever you do, someone will have a problem with it.

 

I remember as a child, whenever I stepped outside our family’s sanheyuan (traditional courtyard house), someone would always say to me, "Your grandfather is so stingy!"
At the time, I was too young to understand. Later, I realized that “stingy” meant he hadn’t donated money to them. But my grandfather worked from sunrise to sunset, living an honest and disciplined life. I never understood what he had done wrong.

 

Later, after I became a Buddhist nun, followers of other monasteries would inexplicably tell me that I "wasn’t truly cultivating." Why?

Because I didn’t appear to be practicing asceticism. 

 

Hearing such remarks, I often felt like punching someone!
Spending endless hours studying scriptures—how was that not a form of ascetic practice?

 

From the moment I began this path, the whispers about my "circumstances" have never stopped.

If I were to portray myself as a highly cultivated practitioner, that would be too hypocritical—I simply can't do it.

I would rather just say that I’m an ordinary person.

 

As for the endless gossip, let it spread as it will. 

If it’s mine to bear, I’ll carry it without complaint. 

 

The term "Banji (half-dweller)" perfectly captures my reality—whether it’s being half-rooted in Buddhist temples or half-rooted in the secular world.

(Once, I went to buy something from a fellow practitioner’s home, and her husband jokingly said in Taiwanese, “The Banji (half-dweller) is here! The Banji (half-dweller) is looking for you!” It was hilarious.)

 

Why not just leave? Does it even matter if I bother to explain anything and anyone understands?

 

By my tenth year of practice, the Dharma had already provided me with all the nourishment I needed, and human interactions became increasingly insignificant.

 

From nothing to something, this small hermitage took shape, supporting the spread of Buddhism and aiding the growth of many individuals. 

Every step of this journey has been recorded in my scattered notes.

 

Master Banji

(Readers don’t need to be curious about my relationship with my secular family. Big families have many financial issues. I have never looked back and only stay in touch with those who practice Buddhism. )

(Furthermore, throughout my life, I have never used the names of famous people from my family when I was out in the society. This is something I am still proud of today. I have relied entirely on my own efforts to get where I am.)