修行總是給人一種戴著神秘面紗的感覺，當自己隔三十年後再度重新翻閱德國作家赫曼‧赫塞的《流浪者之歌》時，除了驚訝於自己對佛學之路，依然堅持如初外，還有一份悸動情感一直蕩漾心懷，那份心動，讓自己也想寫出出家的心路歷程，除了想讓世人更清楚修行生涯，也讓萬千的心靈流浪者，多一種觀點，去觸摸像「形而上學」的修行路。
從看德國哲學家尼采到《流浪者之歌》，《我思故我在》，相信跟我同年代的人，沒看過那些書，也會知道《少年維特的煩惱》。
如同《流浪者之歌》說的，「生命的出路」，沒錯！「生命的出路是心靈流浪者一生所追求的」，我在佛門過了參訪時期，便展開孤獨的歲月，人們都說出家之人理當慈悲眾生，我卻說不出口，我還很薄弱，想探索的修行還渺無蹤跡，因而我無法面對群眾，於是孤獨便成為最好的夥伴。
時代在進步，佛教被弘揚的很好，讓群體意識更加堅強，慈悲喜捨成為唯一圭臬，個人的生命是否得到救贖、解脫？已無人關懷。
我年已半百，回首舊日，想起那麼多優秀的德國人，都無法走出的生命之路，再看看自己，悲哉！喜哉！
想或許自己能提供一些線索，給走不出生命之路的人們參考。
個人生命得到解脫，才能給予人們另外一隻手，我至今依然如是堅持。
跟隨著悉達多的旅程，去看看智慧是如何孕育出來的！祈願自己在心靈旅途中，也能錘鍊出一份屬於自己的智慧來。
Preface : Siddhartha
Buddhist
Practice has appeared to be a mysterious veil all the time. Reading Siddhartha (by Hermann Hesse) again
thirty years later, I find it amazing that I still persist in Buddhist Practice
as before. Moreover, the lingering touching of practicing Buddhism urges me to
write down my psychological processes of renunciation as a nun. I hope my
experience might provide a different viewpoint of Practice metaphysics and help
thousands and thousands of mental wanderers to have a clearer idea of Buddhist
Practice as well.
My reading lists
covered from German philosophers, like Nietzsche, Siddhartha to Descartes’
‘I think, therefore I am’. I believe people of my times have read them all,
too. If not, at least they have known of The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann
Wolfgang von Goethe
‘Solution to
life’, as mentioned in Siddhartha, is
what most mental wanderers search for in all their lives. I started my days of
solitude after Buddhist visiting period. People would naturally advocate that monks
and nuns should be compassionate for all the humans. However, it was hard for
me to carry it out at that time. I was still too weak to initiate my
own Practice or furthermore, to face the crowds. Therefore, solitude became my
best companion.
As times
progress, Buddhism is well-propagated. As a result, collective consciousness is
reinforced and consolidated. ‘Kindness, compassion, joy, and unselfish giving’
evolves to become the only criterion. Whether individuals are relieved or not
is ignored and no one cares about it anymore.
I have entered my
50s. When looking back and noticing so many excellent German philosophers
failing to find their solutions out, how sorrowful I feel for them! In contrast
to them, how gratified I am!
It occurs to me that I might be able to
provide some clues for those who are still struggling to find their solutions.
It has always
been my belief that no one can give others a hand until he himself has been
relieved. And I still believe in it by
now.
Follow
Siddhartha to explore the journey of developing wisdom. May you develop your
own as well on the journey of pursuing mental wisdom.
Master Ban Ji
Translated by Grace Tsai
Proofread by Sophiea Kuo
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